The Stanley Parable - Achievement Guide

Whilst the achievements to The Stanley Parable are mostly just poking fun at traditional gaming with its original brand of satire there's still those of us who can't resist unlocking them anyway. A lot of these achievements are not quite what they seem and some may come across as pointless, because they are. Regardless, here's how to unlock all of the achievements in this game, including the 'unachieveable' one which has us all resorting to being dirty rotten cheaters and editing the config file. Oh the shame. On a related note, for more Stanley stuff you can check out my Easter Egg and Endings guide here.

	Name	Description
	Achievement	This is an achievement
	Beat the Game	Complete the Stanley Parable
	You can't jump	No seriously, we disabled it.
	Welcome back!	Quit the game and then start it again
	Click on door 430 5 times	Click on door 430 5 times
	8888888888888888	88888888888888888888888888
	Go outside	Don't play the game for 5 years
	Speed Run	Complete the Stanley Parable in under 4 minutes and 22 seconds (not including loading times)
	Commitment	Play the game for the entire duration of a Tuesday.
	Unachieveable	It is impossible to get this achievement.

Unlocking the achievements:

Achievement:

Go into the Extras menu and enable achievements.

Beat the game:

Follow the story as the narrator describes it and complete the Freedom ending.

You can't jump:

Attempt to jump by pressing the spacebar several times.

Welcome back!
 
As described, quit the game then re-enter it.

Click on door 430 5 times:

Locate door 430, it's in the main office just outside Stanley's door, and click it. Follow the instructions of the narrator who'll guide you through the achievement.

8888888888888:

Go upstairs to the Boss's office and input the code 8888 into the keypad at the back of the room twice.

Go outside:

Don't play The Stanley Parable for 5 years or, if you haven't got 5 years to spare, set your computer clock forward 5 years with the game closed. Open the game to grab the achievement, then set your clock back to its actual date.
 
Speed run: You need to complete the game in under 4 minutes 22 seconds, minus loading times. You need to reach the Freedom Ending by following the narrator's story. This is best done afer you have completed the game several times as, by this point, the narrator will automatically open the door in the Boss's office and you don't have to use the keypad. By reseting the game several timse there is also a chance of obtaining a very short corridor leading straight to the choice between the two doors which cuts out a lot of running around at the start of the game.

Commitment:

Play the game for the entire duration of a Tuesday. This can also be achieved by fiddling with your computer clock. Open up the game, set your clock to the start of a Tuesday then forward it to the very end of a Tuesday, just before midnight and let it tick over into 'Wednesday'.

Unachieveable:

This is technically achieveable by some unknown combination of quicksaving and quickloading, or its just random, the developers made it purposefully difficult to obtain. Due to the dishonest nature of the internet you can unlock this by following these instructions:

• Make sure the game is closed down.
• Edit the config file which is located in your Steam folder. For example: C:\Steam\SteamApps\common\The Stanley Parable\thestanleyparable\cfg\config.cfg. You should open it with any text editor like Notepad.
• Add this additional line to the file in a new row: bind “x” “~;_u”
• Save the notepad file then right-click it and open properties.
• Check the attribute “Read-only” and save this change.
• Open up The Stanley Parable.
• Press the “x” key which we bound earlier.
• Wait for a moment then the achievement should unlock

Well that's about it, happy gaming, fellow completionists! Be sure to check out the rest of my crap if you enjoyed this guide.